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Sunday, July 8, 2007

leaders,potential leaders, they need to grow in the Lord. surrender everything to God. family, friends. never mean more than God. throw them away to God. nothing you do for God will ever go without a sacrifice. nothing. friends are the people who stick you up,who stay by your side. i love then. i miss them. i feel that i am not there for them anymore. i feel so vulnerable. so so stupid. so naive. why why why? why.

yesterday i was there at the altars preparing to give everything back to God again. i couldnt. i couldnt. there God spoke to me. he said
" Ruth. give everything to me.even your friends,surrender and i will be there"
i cried big time. in chuyi's hands. i looked at her, i cried more. than i just left. i left the altars. i didnt turn back. i didnt surrender.....

quoted from chuyi's blog:
Ruth was crying, big time. Looking at her, my sister, crying, I started crying myself. I was begging God to take away the pain from Ruth, begging God to bring me away from my horrible horrible situation. And i just continue hugging ruth. Just hugging her real tight. Her whole body was shaking and i just cried along with her.

and i dont think i deserve such a nice friend like her. God thanks. i know i am not surrendering. but i thank you for everything. i'm sorry.

chuyi i am sorry. val i am sorry. janet i am sorry. alison i am sorry. brenda i am sorry.michelle i am sorry.corine i am sorry. rebecca i am sorry. bro zhihao i am sorry. sis kimberly i am sorry. sis christine i am sorry. pastor gary i am sorry.pastor prisc i am sorry.bro marcus i am sorry.gid i am sorry.ben i am sorry.julian i am sorry.joshua i am sorry.ariel i am sorry.kirin i am sorry.shiying i am sorry.sonia i am sorry.eleanor i am sorry.laura i am sorry.jie rach i am sorry.sis cherie i am sorry.

i know this sounds super emo. i need to pull myself up soon. NOW. i just cant. but i will. one day.

welcome
(a quote from Marianne Williamson)
Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some, it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.



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