things are looking up! but everything that could go wrong yesterday night and today at school did go wrong. yeah. dog-tried :( lots of work! devils working really strongly, i can feel it.

spiritual war!
we go, we win! (:

that's the beauty of being a God chaser. you're chasing the impossible, knowing its possible! (:
- tommy tenney([extreme]God Chasers)

AMEN! (:

and yeah. chuyi is right.but i am just not worthy of them dont you think? and i dont want to hurt them once again. so the best thing is just to alienate myself around them. i know chuyi i know that i shouldnt but it hurts.the pressure, the force.how much area do i have( force = pressure/area)
i am trying my best though to not alienate myself and i thank chuyi for giving me the assurance that she will stand by me. i have made it a point to try (: and i believe God will help me. but somethings wouldnt go well.devil's working. i have gotta stand strong in my faith. and i cant believe that i wrote that.

Deuteronomy 6:5
Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

and its repeated another 3 times in the bible!

MY resoulutions(6th january @ FUEL)
1.to do my TAWG everyday
2.to be an SP
3.to grow in my level of spiritual faith
4.to love God with all my heart, soul and strength.
STEPS
1. do my TAWG
2. pray
3. LOVE God
4. set a godly example

and i am going to start prioritising everything in life! and i will also start making time for my friends.i started this and i am going to end it!

1. GOD
2. Family
3. Friends
4. studies
5. health
6. sports
7. music



and for once i am going to put and bury all my problems deep down, never take them out and help others overcome their problems!

i just don't know where i am anymore. that feeling is BADBADBAD!
i want to be a part of it. yet i want to be apart. the numbness to that never works.
i just cant trust myself anymore. haha. yeah?
this two weeks have been weeks of spiritual warfare. as much as i want to see IGNYTE grow, to see myself grow, i don't want to go through anymore.
i just don't think i am ready. but? when will i be?

and my mind is in a turmoil.


The Blade
I've been walking around with a pain in my back
Never seen it coming, only felt the attack
Into the left side, out through the heart
Our friendship mutilated, you cut it apart
I've heard all the lies, they could never be true
Now I can't believe I once trusted you
I've been walking around with a pain in my back
the blade that's inside me? It'll slice your neck

yeah. i feel so guilty reading this but at the same time i want someone to feel guilty. i just want those nasty feelings to go away, i want the calming presence of God to come.i just DON'T WANT TO feel alone.i know i am not. but i feel like i am. GAH! i am so confused! :) ytd was so fun! FUEL especially.weeee (:
yeah. haha. it was funny praying for a guy to get over the lost of his not-so-dead brother.yeah! haha. i wonder if God will answer fake prayers. i feel helpless. i cant study, i cant serve, i cant play sports and neither can i have the passion of God so strong. i think it got too high during camp and all of a sudden it just dropped.

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some, it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

yeah. its been a long while since i blogged XD.
heh. this week has been sorta good yeah? cept for Friday afternoon and Thursday night :(

an overview of this whole week.

MONDAY
had napha on Monday. heh. knee wasn't recovered yet :( but yeah. didn't want to delay napha anymore so i decided to just do it with an injured knee.got 29cm for sit and reach! heh. i failed :(
yeah. did standing broad jump got 174cm. bahbahbah. incline pull ups were real bad. MY STUPID DUPID KNEE! amazingly my knee decided to bend and i could do nothing to keep it straight. its an injured knee. so yeah. got a C and decided not to do it anymore. went home after school took a shower, did homework, computered, ate dinner and then sat down to watch TV. then when i stood up, there was this horrible CRACK sound. and then i couldn't move my knee, it was so so painful. heh. turns out according to my dad's diagnosis that i tore/sprained my ligament. bah :(

TUESDAY(MC)
MC! (: yeah! but the stupid dupid knee really hurt alot. haha. IT WAS SWOLLEN! (: so ccoooooll ! could hardly walk and the com crashed so i just sat in front of the TV for the whole day. went to the doctor's and was granted a 2days MC (Tuesday and Wednesday)went home watched some more TV and went to sleep.

WEDNESDAY(MC)
watched TV (: my knee could walk better! (: YAY! and then the careless Ruth was walking to take something from the table and her knee cracked again :( BAH! BAD STUPID RUTH! turns out that i couldn't walk anymore and it was impossible for me to go to school the next day.

THURSDAY(MC)
watched TV (: went to the doctor's again to prolong my MC! got another two days MC (Thursday and Friday)watched some more TV.

FRIDAY(MC)
watched TV (: went to school for the trinity guild hall exam and then came home. watched some more TV. cracked my knee! GOSH! so careless. :( and yeah. shi ying says that she will lend me her crutches on Monday. nice shi ying (: yeah! hiazx. the injury is already reoccurring itself before it even gets healed. :( that's bad. nvm! God will heal it yeah?

so in all i had 4/5 days of MC! haha. yeah. turns out i will never be able to do my napha! haha. yeah. have a checkup at kk hospital on Friday. haha. yeah. STUPID KNEE! it hurts so much! GAH! and i just realise that Christmas is 5 months away. time to save money!

things aren't going well as planned.

yesterday was the most impactful service for me this year! (: not because PGC preached(he preached good though (:) but because i could really feel God! well the whole service was fun! especially serving with Ruth and Abby (: haha. CH smile, CH codeword. bah! GAH! :)
so Ruth, Ruth and Abby were serving as bulletin-ers and greeters (: heh. so fun! yeah. we missed praise and i wanted to miss worship. i just couldn't face God yeah?

so during worship sat with chuyi and valerina. hiazx. i think chuyi is still angry with me cause i said that to rachel. but yeah. i didn't mean to hurt her feelings.
God was speaking to me during worship.. i couldn't sing, i couldn't lift up my hands.so i just stood there responding to God. he said this:

" Ruth. i know that you love me. you love my people. in times of need and trouble, you're there. you put aside your troubles for them. you sacrifice for them. and it hurts when you cant be there with them because you love them. surrender them. i love them too. and i will help you love them even more.....i don't want you to carry their burdens for them but give them to me. i want you. to carry my fire. to carry it to your school. your class and people around you...."

i know we shouldn't cry. it isn't wrong but crying leads to self pity which is bad :( when God told me that i cried because i love God. and i was determined to do what God has told me to. it was so GOOD! (: to know that God knew what i was going through ! (:

yeah. sermon came. and i didn't expect God to speak to me because the sermon was on the power of the holy spirit, not surrendering or anything to deal with wat i was going through. but God works in his small and miraculous ways! (: i just took out my bible didn't want to write sermon notes. so i just concentrated on PGC's preaching. and the first verse he spoke strucked me.

John 14:15-17 (New International Version)

heh. and now i know why my roller skates, basketball and bicycle are so so important to me.

i find it ironic, when people tell you to do something they don't.

heh. i am in school now doing my IH homework. its BORING!
no born again radio, food, handphone and almost everything i guess.
but i have air con, a slow computer(not being sarcastic),no teachers, PEACE! (:

by the way, go here [strongly encouraged! (:]

http://www.bornagainradio.com

yeah. i know i shouldn't be blogging now. God seems to be telling me something all this while.
ever since the first week of school. a virtue - PATIENCE.

patience doesn't mean waiting a long while for a bus neither does it mean simply waiting. patience has got to deal with your heart. For example, in judging people, we should learn to be patient. it takes a while, effort to get to know a person. and i don't understand how some people just like to judge a person by its cover. patience means to slowly learn. it takes a while it takes a long while. for you to be patient enough to a friend, a not so nice one, and teach them something that they want to learn. and all this while i think i am lacking in it. yeah? but God will help me, i believe so (:

BE PATIENT

yeah. NVPS uniform to school on Saturday (:
yay! i am going to wear my primary school uniform. big problem though. the skirt's too short now. heh. i will figure out a way ! (:

by the way i am going to fail my napha. cause according to Mr teng, if i fail any of the stations, i will fail napha. yeah. and i need at least 3-4cm to pass my sit and reach. HIAZX. 29 cm (: yeah. tats my best. i stretched just now and now my hamstrings hurt. bad Ruth made it too tight. ahh! shouldn't have skated :(

going back to north view's open house next Saturday. don't care. going to pon guides CIP day.
to all northviewans ( esp. 6trustians (: CHICK BIG)



yeah. group pic.
sis esther, sis brenda, sis joanne, sis lorraine! (:

SKIT TIME! in the afternoon. act && be DRAMA!

this is RYAN. he gives us lotsa sweets (:

street e (: to sis brenda (:

he does what a minister does. heh.

Gid introduces devoted! XD


mt sinai! this was extremely good (:

and Gab fang opens his mouth to say something to gid! heh XD

look! BENN's soso CUTE! heh.shes supposed to be a naughty person.
someone farted and jerlyn is grossed out. EWWWW


MORNING EXERCISE & TAWG <3
i see a lot of orange! so cool!! (:
&&guys with bed hair @0700 in the morning!
i love love DEVOTED (:


Day 1 [17th june 2007]
leadership camp


campfire in the middle of the night! wee!

the campfire's burning SO PRETTY!
it looks so so orange :)
and let it burn for the last time.




the attack of the flying chicken in the afternoon! (:

sis kim and the ATTACK OF THE FLYING chicken.

and yet again. i think the chicken likes her :)

brandon and the ATTACK OF THE FLYNG chicken

gideon and the ATTACK OF THE FLYING chicken

THE CHICKEN IS DEAD. everyone feels sorry for it. see gab fang's expression.

and they tried tearing the chicken :(

bro aaron still wants to eat it.
hold a chicken, be a chicken. heh XDjust joking. but it was fun yeah?

REST OF GAMES still in the afternoon (:

yeah. throw backwards water bomb!

water bomb pics rocksssss!
group cheer! the best one yeah? DEVOTION!
DEVOTION! wwwweeeee!
andrew and the chicken to keep him quiet. heh



ON OUR WAY there! noon time (:

the firemen lift! so KEWL! i pity andrew's head though.
i had the luxury to be carried. heh (:

gid and his invisible hand thing (: YEAH! (:
we were barefooted! so cool! position of the legs!
crossing the road! (: thanks Gid for carrying the shoes!

WEAR ORANGE TOMORROW! AND BLACK.
emo colours! (:

YAY! one four got D for cleanliness.heh. i sound so so so mean. but always look on the bright side of things yeah? like Jerry in today's devotion.actually i knew that our class would get a D.was just waiting for it. and so if we cant get an A, a D is an accomplishment right?we got the class clean. the first time since we came back and got praised for our cleanliness by Mrs rosy lo. oh how i love her. yeah. went home. skipped (: skated. slept.

bah. today is Friday the thirteenth. the best day in the world. it really is! (: i miss last year's Friday the thirteenth. we had assembly with the strings people. i wanna join strings! yeah. ms tan, i will join with you. had a crappy day with Ariel. talking about the crap we normally talk about...hMM. making us red(: had a compo test. felt emo and so in the end killed two people. HEH!yeah.
Mr goh scolded us! (:yay! for the first time. i was laughing. heh. he said that if we get a D for classroom cleanliness again. the whole class(INCLUDING HIM) needs to do CWO (: so yeah. we will get D for him! guides as usual was slackish! heh. but had fun with Sarah, talking bout bball.
YEAH! bball rocks! slacked with yee sing and Sarah.yee xing was talking about legs and how we actually get thigh muscles. so Sarah and i did lunches and half squats across the parade ground. in full guides uniform! (: KEWL! i miss the feeling of the burns in your thighs. heh. thighs will hurt tomorrow :( KAYAKING was canceled! AH! but at least now i can go to the botanics with my buzz group yeah. and roller skate! WEEEE!who wants to go rollerskating with me? i will roller skate to orchard. he he! xD. somebody in guides just dumped this whole packet of sweets with me the last minute. so cool! so now i got a lot of sweets! ICF! dressed Dao hui up! she won miss bollywood! (: i will grow up to be a fashion designer yeah? ok. maybe not.


going rollerskating tomorrow! i cant wait.
btw IH:
its like a chain - "no water,no fertile soil, no fertile soil, no vegetation,no vegetation,no animals,no animals,no food,no food, no men."

one second is all it takes.

amen! (:

and yeah. i lost my appetite for the second/third time in a row.
for the first time ever i feel truly full. God's "pocking" me too.
any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple

Luke 14:33
"in the same way if any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple."

and thanks chuyi. and no you arent the lousy one. i am.

You dont have to say sorry you know? You deserve to be happy! You are God's daughter! Don't feel sorry for not being a good friend. You have been a terrific friend! You know, last year when Mrs Tan told sixORCHID that secondary school girls hold hands (because they were good friends), i was apalled and i never thought I would be doing the same thing six months later. But i am. I hold your hands whenever we run around church. You're my best friend, my dear twin. Dont back out on me now ok? I need you by my side. You have done nothing wrong. Dont go around apologising to people. It's not your fault (it's not theirs either). You know how it breaks my heart to see you so sad?
dont leave me ok?

i love you<3
chuyi.

leaders,potential leaders, they need to grow in the Lord. surrender everything to God. family, friends. never mean more than God. throw them away to God. nothing you do for God will ever go without a sacrifice. nothing. friends are the people who stick you up,who stay by your side. i love then. i miss them. i feel that i am not there for them anymore. i feel so vulnerable. so so stupid. so naive. why why why? why.

yesterday i was there at the altars preparing to give everything back to God again. i couldnt. i couldnt. there God spoke to me. he said
" Ruth. give everything to me.even your friends,surrender and i will be there"
i cried big time. in chuyi's hands. i looked at her, i cried more. than i just left. i left the altars. i didnt turn back. i didnt surrender.....

quoted from chuyi's blog:
Ruth was crying, big time. Looking at her, my sister, crying, I started crying myself. I was begging God to take away the pain from Ruth, begging God to bring me away from my horrible horrible situation. And i just continue hugging ruth. Just hugging her real tight. Her whole body was shaking and i just cried along with her.

and i dont think i deserve such a nice friend like her. God thanks. i know i am not surrendering. but i thank you for everything. i'm sorry.

chuyi i am sorry. val i am sorry. janet i am sorry. alison i am sorry. brenda i am sorry.michelle i am sorry.corine i am sorry. rebecca i am sorry. bro zhihao i am sorry. sis kimberly i am sorry. sis christine i am sorry. pastor gary i am sorry.pastor prisc i am sorry.bro marcus i am sorry.gid i am sorry.ben i am sorry.julian i am sorry.joshua i am sorry.ariel i am sorry.kirin i am sorry.shiying i am sorry.sonia i am sorry.eleanor i am sorry.laura i am sorry.jie rach i am sorry.sis cherie i am sorry.

i know this sounds super emo. i need to pull myself up soon. NOW. i just cant. but i will. one day.

YEAH. just as i thought everything was going to be okay, it turns out it isn't. every time i look into the past i see it again. and i come to the realization of how bad i was last year.
but God changed me. I am a changed person (:
somehow people just don't believe that i am. badbadbad. and i wish they did.
now i fell like i let everyone down. i let God down, my leaders down, my pastors down,my family and my friends down.i know that it isn't that right for me to cry at the altars. i should be the one helping my friends, praying with them but yesterday i couldn't. i just broke.
i know though that this is a period of my life that God will guide me through.
a test and a trail. and just like pastor Gary says :
" thank God for the bad things that happen"
i will. but i really really hate tests.bleah! GAH! haha (: but God will guide me so what do i have to fear yeah?

Joshua 1:9
be strong and courageous do not be afraid for the lord is with you wherever you go!

YEAH! (: feel so much happier now. heh.

YEAH. today is GREEN DAY
dont you find my school very eco-friendly?GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN everywhere.
classrooms are green, walls are green, toilets are green,benches and chairs are green, canteen is green, window grilles are green, rubbish bins are green, dustbins are green, our school uniform is green, our handbook is green, our school flag is green, the trees and plants are green. and almost everthing else too.
and yeah. now i am going to see green the whole of today. like everyday of the week.BAH! GAH! and apparantly i have no nice green shirt so i will end up wearing my school uniform. quite sure of it.heh. so yeah.
WEAR GREEN TODAY






and yeah. TGIF i really really thank God. how he has pulled and strectched me these two weeks,sleeping at 12 and waking up at 5,not forgetting the many rehearsals along the way for PORB and SYF opening.and the overgrowing mountain of work, way more than last term :(
thanks to God though, i coped so much better than i thought i could when i trusted him.
it really works trusting in God!
and during these few weeeks i've seen myself grow in God. i love the feeling! (:
all the sacrifices i made to see myself grow heh. and to help and see others grow too! (:
seeing myself changing my flaws and working on them!
heh.was readinmg poems again and i saw this


Sacrifice

A sacrifice you make today
Will never ever be gone
A sacrifice you make today
Will soon be passed on

A sacrifice you make today
Will stay in many hearts
A sacrifice you make today
Help many play their parts

A sacrifice you make today
Will never be forgotten
A sacrifice you make today
Will never be mistaken

A sacrifice you make today
May even change history
A sacrifice you make today
May be kept in someone’s memory

A sacrifice you make today
Might light someone’s day up
A sacrifice you make today
Might fill someone’s dry cup

A sacrifice you make today
Will always be treasured
A sacrifice you make today
Will always be remembered

Anders Zookie

dont you see the link? i find the poem a good one! thanks anders! (: heh. its so funny when i blog about something i somehow manage to find a poem to go along with it! yeah.
and then all of a sudden i am randomly reminded of this song

"Billy Bob went home after school on a bright sunny day
when his mum said go clean your room before you go play.
and he showed REESPOONNSIBILIBILITY chub chub
REESPOONNSIBILIBILITY chub chub
REESPOONNSIBILIBILITY chub chub
RESPONSIBILITY." jie, you remember it?

amazing how i remembered it cause the i learnt it when i was 6 or younger. yeah. hehe.
NICE SONG THOUGH! (:

yeah. thank God. by the grace of him i finished my homework. miraculously even chinese. heh.
yeah i love my name tag to the deep deep! PUTH GAH EN HUI.
chinese was good. cant understand why though, most of the time its good (:
math is getting worse though. so much work so little time.
science - SWEET,JUICY,GASY.
art was bad as usual :( didnt get much work done.
we tried imitating HER and i got beaten by ariel cause of tht. HMMMPH
ROLLERSKATED! i miss the feeling the floating feeling, the feeling tall feeling (:
with joanna and adelyn.
and yeah. the spectacular of the day : MY NAME TAG!
and yeah. cant wait for saturday. REPLAY. nooooo!
yeahl. got to do some bad bad testwork. ahhh.
DONT DO = PUNISHMENT.
do you think i care? i of course do.

and by the way check ariel's blog. since i cant quote her. yeah. its super funny! hehe. wat happened at class.


yeah.
was reading gid's and anders poems. and i found this

Shoebox of Letters

I found my shoebox
of letters and dreams
sent by a friend
or so it seems
two years worth
of letters from you
two years worth
so very few

each told a bit
of the story inside
which I knew was true
though fervently denied

the story about
a girl and her friend
who drifted apart
not by his hand

do you remember
that letter you wrote
2nd october
you wrote this note

what it said inside
meant alot to me
'friends forever'
I agreed

Krantol Northic

awesome poem yeah?cheered up my day a bit (: thanks gid! today wasnt a good day. cause apparantly i was still hyper for the 3rd day in a row. BAH! yeah. and we had CT/common test for chinese. BLEAH :( i completely screwed the close passage. and yeah. the mcq compre was GOOD :) and the open ended was horrible. write and write and write the longest yet!but it was fun writing and somehow my handwriting was still legibile! (:
PRAISE THE LORD ! :)
just hope i didnt fail. but its chinese. chinese is horrible. yeah. had IH. google earth. can spy and stalk on people! (: yeah! HAPPYHAPPY! went for recess. weeee!
FOOD! the best thing on the planet that is edible.
I LOVE FOOD,DO YOU?please answer this! at the tagboard
had D&T with mdm yow. i dont like D&T anymore. bah. so hard to get marks. then we had maths. we needed to do the biometrics thingy. was so so COOL! yeah. I LOATHE LOATHE number patterns. and now algebra seems so confusing cause i'm tired. heheehehe. xD
mothertoungue was good (: ms soh said tht a lot of ppl failed the CT. i'm scared. how can i fail such a horrible subject like chinese? heh :)
yeah.i saw my new name tag, collecting it tomorrow!
PUTH GAH EN HUI! :)

HOME HOME HOME :))))

went swimming and i swam! yeah. exercise. my ankle is better so i shd make use of it yeah?
went blading on monday and tuesday, swimming today. exercise exercise ! fun fun! JOY JOY!
and yeah. happy now! :)

ah yes. busy busy busy. feeling so so so stressed. GAH.

work to be done:
IH assignment
Science assignment
Chinese revision
D&T with mdm yow.

BLEAH BAH BOO GAH GAE GOO
PUTTY PUTT PUTH.

orange makes me happy. YEAH!

and <3>

yeah. thts all i think. post some other time.
PUTTY PUTT PUTH (:

(a quote from Marianne Williamson)
Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some, it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.



RUTHgohenhui
2E4'08 March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008

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